In the depths of winter, I finally found within me an invincible summer.
---Albert Camus, author
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Two of my Bright Lights
Two of my brightest lights...my son Scott and his nephew (my grandson, my Little Man). In the winter of my days, it is healing to think on the joys of my life. Scott is living with us for a few months. He's one of the statistics who is on unemployment. We are making lemonade of them economic lemons! Obviously, he and Little Man are great buddies.
I started this blog for my weight loss journey and as a support when and if my life breaks down. I just didn't expect it to start breaking down at the very time I started my once-again diet. What I'm trying to do as I write, is to remember my goal of getting through dark days without giving up my weight loss.
I have treasured the special ladies who are my small group of followers. It's been so difficult to get back to my blog. I wonder if I've lost them? I hope not. Sorry for the bugs in this blog. I set-up the little dealie to put favorite products, but I've never figured out how to finish it, so I'm advertising all sorts of things. :(
The gastric troubles I mentioned earlier have developed into a full-blown, serious condition. Nothing has improved. Several weeks ago I was scheduled for a colonoscopy/endoscopy on August 10. Out the window went my good foods: fruits, veggies, grains, and lean meats. Eating throws me into tremendous distress. So I drink juices for a few days, until I have to eat something solid. I have made the brilliant deduction that if what I put in doesn't come out, I'd better rely mostly on liquids. Even though I've had several doctor appointments, I have received no suggestions for what foods to eat. When I do eat, I chew every bite until it disappears in my mouth. There is one food that immediately soothes my stomach and causes no gas, bloating or pain. Ice cream. Geez-Louise! That must be some sort of clue to whatever is wrong with me. I try to keep it at a minimum, but tonight was ridiculous. I had one of those Ambien-induced night binges on ice cream. It didn't help that I hadn't consumed enough calories during the day.
So....I start on my clear liquid diet on Monday. I think I'm not going to worry about any of that until I have Tuesday behind me, and hopefully have some answers. We are supposed to know after Tuesday if I need hietal hernia surgery. Or some other kind of surgery. This is difficult, living in a new city with all new doctors. I feel frightened and adrift. It doesn't do a lot to soothe my feelings that my strange new gastrointologist has a first name of Muhammed. I've seen him once. He sat across the room from me, typing on his computer, taking my history, and muttering to himself. He never examined me. This seems to be the way with the new and latest wave of doctors.
I did do my weigh-in every week. I've done well, considering, although the past week is a wash. And I intend to post my losses/gains soon. I pray that my problems can be solved, and I can have my life back. I shall return!
This blog is to chronicle my weight loss and my life in general. After breast cancer and chemo in 1996, my weight jumped from 125 to 195. I have lost and gained many times since then. Each time I've reached my goal weight, I have had a traumatic experience and gained the weight back. I am in a place that is more sane now. Or maybe just less crazy. If not normal, then approaching normalcy. I need a way for accountability, and a blog seems a good way to do it. I do better with goals if I have visuals, even though I dread seeing the numbers and the pictures. This time, when I start on my diet, I’m approaching it with care and caution….not just jumping in without much thought. I bought several great books that are true-life accounts of weight loss. I want to understand other people who have had my experiences and who have persevered and reached their goal weight. I've started learning how to write a blog, and found out that there are a lot of people like me, trying to be accountable on a blog, and losing weight for the umpteenth time. And I thought I was unique.