Monday, September 13, 2010

Alert! Freezer Taken Into Custody! Armed and Dangerous!

It's serious!   Miss Jenny's GE freezer has been arrested because of it's  unlawful content!  At the time of arrest it was considered to be armed and dangerous.  There was a stash of 8 large cartons of Blue Bell Ice Cream.  Blue Bell and Ben and Jerry's are two brands that are expected to be banned by Michelle Obama's White House task force.  After that goes into effect, Miss Jenny's offense will be a felony offense.

 Both Jenny and the freezer were  cited  and taken into custody. 

While unlocked during the night of September 12, 2010, there was a situation of illegal entry.  An "older" (ahem) lady, after violating her parole from prior convictions was discovered after a Breaking and Entry into the freezer.

After alledgedly taking Ambien CR, (the suspect stated that she is a "sleep binger" when taking the drug,)  Miss Jenny is believed to have gone to sleep at the wheel, crashed her late model recliner wrapping it around an end table, which caused a full bowl of melted Rocky Road ice cream to  slip through the foot rest of her recliner and land on the wood floor. 

She says the noise awoke her and her husband   But first he called  911 for disturbance of his peace.  He had no other comments, even after Miss Jenny yelled at him that it was his fault for buying the ice cream.  The distraught woman was then cited for domestic abuse.  Miss Jenny has been ordered to wear her BodyBugg, a calories monitoring system. 

 There seemed to have been an attempt to hide evidence.  Diet Detective Skinny Minnie told Lox News that she found a pair of pajamas soaking in the bathroom, stained with what appears to be chocolate, with miniature marshmallows floating in the water. The evidence will be turned over to the Nurtrition Czar in Washington D.C.

The perp had a blood sugar level of 600. She claims that she was not aware of filling a cereal bowl with Rocky Road. She refused to admit that she had eaten 2 other bowls of ice cream earlier in the night.

The Diet Detective told Mr Jenny to chain and lock the freezer, as a condition  of bail.  The two perps were remanded into his custody.  Miss Jenny could be heard grumbling that it was like the fox guarding the hen house. 

After exiting the Michelle Obama Shame on You Courthouse,  Miss Jenny could be heard screaming that she didn't even LIKE Blue Bell's Groom's Cake Ice Cream.  She was seen sticking her tongue out at a large group of Next Top Models and Marie Osmond  who were also exiting the new 10 billion dollar court house.  This is the same court house that has been the subject of much pride and also criticism from  Lox News, as it is said to have created 15 new jobs besides giving law enforcement an upscale place to bring good role models to the obese of the USA.  There are 14 job openings for Size 2 Female Guards.  The First Lady would like to see these jobs filled ASAP.

The skinny women, subjected to the tacky and tasteless taunts of Miss Jenny, had earlier received the Michelle Obama Gold Medals of Honor for being skinny with 2% body fat. 

Is this tacky behavior of Miss Jenny's  what we can expect in the next 35 years from Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton?

1 comment:

  1. What a hilariously entertaining entry!! ....and a clever way of dealing with what I know is a very real problem. I guess if we can't laugh at ourselves, what can we do??

    It's that time of year where I'm back to seeing people I haven't been around in several months. When they ask what I did over the summer my answer has been "eat and gain weight"! It's the truth. *sigh* I've had SO little self-control these days. Oh, I've had my excuses, but they really don't fly.