On October 11, deep in the night, I wrote a pathetic entry in the way I sometimes write my entries. I wrote it on a Word document so that I could read it when I wasn't so upset. I've just read it and am glad that it wasn't put out to live forever on the internet. To summarize, that day I had the most demoralizing day in my memory. On my scale I weighed 199.98. That's the highest I've ever weighed. And even worse, it was 19 pounds up from my weight in July. I understand that the gain was caused by the extreme problems I've had with my digestion, but it still feels that I've been bad.
That day my lean, handsome husband was in Wal-mart, shopping for the week. I can't even drag myself to Wal-mart. For months I have felt so exhausted. Almost everything I have eaten since June has made me extremely bloated. My comfortable uniform for several years is an XL men's denim shirt. I would be embarrassed to count how many I own. I buy decorated denims from my favorite little ebay seller. For one year, I wore size L. Then I had to go up a size. In the last few weeks my XL wouldn't accomodate my tummy when I sat down. On the 11th, I was beyond misrable. I called my husband while he was shopping at Wal-mart and asked him to buy me an XXL men's denim shirt. That, added to the new numbers on the scale, sent me into a tailspin.
The next thing that I explained in detail on that Word document was my journey for the last 2 months in deciding to do the hCG diet. I'm not going to rehearse that tonight. I had to wait a month for an appointment with the doctor. The first good news is that I finally found a doctor in this city that I love! He listened, and he gave me some common sense answers to the digestion problems that have plagued me. I wanted to start the diet the next day, but he insisted on a large battery of blood tests first. I waited 2 weeks for the result. Nothing was too bad (no cholesterol as I wasn't fasting) except for the news that one kidney is damaged and is only working at about 50% capacity. I agreed with the doctor that it has been caused by the last 2 years of uncontrolled high blood pressure. As I've mentioned, I have bad side effects to all the high blood pressure meds that I've tried, except for 2. To be able to live, I must lose the weight. I started the diet last Sunday, Oct. 10th. This is Day 5, and I am pleased with my results so far. I will report in my next entry about how that's going for me.
I'm Not Sure I Can Do This
5 days ago